On Monday, I will be one year clean from self-harm. A part of me is proud of myself, or at least I feel like I should be. But honestly, it’s hard to feel proud when I’m still struggling so much.

A year ago, I was in a really dark place. I’ve been struggling with depression for nine years now, and sometimes it feels like it will never end. I thought that by now, I would feel much better, but I still have days when everything feels heavy.

I’m trying to appreciate the small things in life. Spending time with my husband and friends, reading a book, or listening to music. These little things can make me feel a bit happier, even if it’s only for a short time.

The truth is, most days, I just want to stay in bed and shut the world out. But I know I can’t always do that, so I try to keep myself busy.

I do the laundry, clean the house, cook, and try to get things done. Sometimes, even doing one task leaves me feeling completely drained and exhausted. But at the same time, I feel a little happy because I’ve managed to do something, even when it was difficult.

Lately, I’ve been trying to read more to keep my mind busy. Sometimes it helps me forget about my thoughts for a while. Other times, I put on a happy playlist and let the music lift my mood a little.

I’m learning that progress doesn’t always mean feeling better. Sometimes, progress is simply getting out of bed when you don’t want to. Sometimes, it’s finishing one small task, spending time with someone you love, or making it through another difficult day without hurting yourself.

I still have a long way to go, and I know there will be good days and bad days. I wish things were easier, and I wish I could say that after all these years, my depression was finally gone. But that’s not my reality right now.

Still, I’m trying. Even when I’m tired. Even when I feel like I’m not getting anywhere. Even when the smallest things feel like the biggest challenges.

And maybe that’s something to be proud of, too.

If you’re struggling, I hope you know that you don’t have to have everything figured out. You don’t have to be happy every day, and you don’t have to make huge improvements to prove that you’re trying.

Small steps count. Resting counts. Starting again after a setback counts.

I’m still learning to be proud of myself, and I’m still learning to appreciate how far I’ve come.

But I’m here, and I’m still trying.

Even with the smallest improvements or setbacks, I keep trying. I hope you do too. ❤️